Roosevelt Lee : March 2015

Friday, March 27, 2015

hello i'm rose

when nelson said we were revealing ourselves last week my stomach dropped

i've been hiding behind roosevelt lee

its become my security net

i mumble a lot

and

i'm quiet

those two don't go together well

i get a lot of "what?"

and

i see a lot of the outside of circles rather than the inside of circles

i see a lot of head nods and "yaaaaa"

but here i didn't need to worry about how loud my voice was

how clear i was talking

if they even wanted to hear my opinion

or

what i had to say

i just got to write what came to my mind

and

it felt good

i like history, hence the name Roosevelt, but it also sounded good

i like my family more than most teenagers or people in general do, hence the name lee.

its my grandma's middle name, my mom's middle name, and mine

i don't know how to introduce myself

i'll start with what my family calls me

my brothers call me ken

my mom calls me kenna girl

my dad calls me ken ken

my instagram, twitter and anything else you need a username for is kennadarling

and well everyone else seems to call me kenna

but my full name is mckenna lee bland

but here

i'm roosevelt lee

Sunday, March 22, 2015

dear me

dear thirty-five year old self,

i'm assuming you probably have kids by now.

if its what you thought, four kids has to be a handful.

you wanted to live in europe but now that you have kids i hope you are in the east, maybe boston or even virginia.

i hope you checked off your bucket list or at least some of it.

i hope you back packed europe, and went to that lantern festival in taiwan. 

i hope you've tried those churros at disneyland by now. 

i have to ask, were they worth the stomach ache? 

i hope you are still close to your brothers, they were your best friends growing up. 

i also hope you have land and some animals, you always said thats what you wanted. 

i hope you've gotten everything you've dreamed off, or at least gotten close.

don't forget to be you, and i can't wait to see what the future holds. 

love your much younger self,

Rose

Sunday, March 15, 2015

i want to

i want to go back.

i want to go back to that summer night.

i want to go back to when we had that old radio in our pantry and josh groban was all that played.

i want to go back to laughing in the back seat while making voicemails for the first time.

i want to go back to when you gave me those M&M's.

i want to go back to the time they made fun of me and you stuck up for me.

i want to go back to the time when the header on my blog was supposed to be white.

when those treats weren't on my counter.

when your eyes weren't the only thing i looked for.

i want to go back to the time when everything was simple.

but

i want to go to the time when i have my own radio in my own house.

i want to go to the time when i get to eat those treats and not worry about stupid calories.

i want to go to the time when i get to listen to ray charles with you.

i want to go to the time when your eyes will look for mine as well.

i want to go to the time when coming up with a second post becomes easy.

i want to go to the time when i won't care about instagram likes.

i want to go to the time when everything was simple.

skydiving

the bones inside my body are the crackling of wood sitting inside a fire, and you lit the match.

my brain makes a hurricane out of my mind and the only rescue team i get it is you.

my heart went on that ride, the one where it drops, and you are the one that pressed the 'drop now' button.

my eyes follow you like a lost tourist with a map, in a foreign city.

but I'm fearful that my parachute won't open.

and you'll say you just wanted to go bun-jee jumping instead.

mom always said " the opposite of faith is fear"

so i'm fearful you'll find my blog and like hers better

i'm fearful you won't be the one reading that letter i wrote a few weeks ago

i'm fearful i won't grow up to be like cinderella and i won't "have courage and be kind"

i'm fearful of talking to you because your down looking eyes are the reason i'm so quite

i'm fearful you won't help me spend that sixty dollars that can't seem to disappear

i'm fearful that i'm more of a tourist than a local

i'm fearful that these fears will only get worse as i grow older

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Georgia On My Mind

i guess life is knowing the difference between alto and soprano, because i still have to ask which is which.

and life is getting to things fifteen or twenty minutes early because getting there right on time stresses me out.

its also about eating to much on sundays out of boredom and regretting it on monday.

its the trust that came when he showed me that one playlist, and now Georgia's On My Mind.

its coming into the school at 6 am and feeling that blast of warm air that makes you feel safe for a second.

its sitting in your kitchen at 11 writing this post because you haven't been able to come up with something you like.

its going along with what everyone else is doing because you don't know if you should go along with it or go away from it.

its hanging out with those old friends, wishing for sophomore year and a more talkative self.

its staying home on friday night because your parents seem cooler than the indoor rock climbing place they all went too.

its the instagram picture you wish you hadn't posted but keep because if you took it down it would hurt their feelings.

its watching your grandma cry because she is scared of death... life is being scared of death, and taking that fall, and texting him first, because what if?

what if i don't get into that college?

what if he doesn't text back?

what if i fail?

what if i look stupid?

what if life takes over and all your what ifs become irrelevant.

but what if they don't?

what if they become your reality?