real talk

real talk would be me telling you that i have no clue what to write for this blog post, and how i have had nothing to write about for the past two months. but nobody wants to read that.

so

if you really knew me you'd know that MLB stands for more then just major league baseball. plus i know nothing about baseball but the last few months i've tried to learn more but after midnight it just seemed pointless.

 

if you really knew me you'd understand why i hate wearing make up but i still put it on every morning even after i said i don't care what people think of me. 

you would know why i don't eat the bread that comes to the table and its not because of the 'carbs'. 

you would know why i don't like high school and it may be because of my attitude or that i wasn't out going enough.

 

if you really knew me you'd know how insecure i get with my body, and how i hate how my mom is almost two sizes smaller than i am. 

you'd know that i didn't get asked to homecoming this year and my mom seemed more disappointed than i did- but i ended up going with a kid who showed up in jeans and a tshirt and had my moms last name as a first name. 

you'd know that i've only really kissed one person because that kid at jenna jarvis's 18th birthday party doesn't count. some one said i'd be a legend for kissing him. 

i'm not.

but zac frampton remembered me as the girl who kissed some kid at the party. we became friends after that so i guess it worked out okay.

you'd know that i still don't know or understand the difference between then and than and how frustrating it is to try to decipher which is which. 

if you really knew me you'd know why costa rica has a special place in my heart and you'd know that i cried for a week wishing to go back. 

if you really knew me you'd know that being the center of attention is my biggest fear, and when they started chanting my name i looked at you for rescue but your mouth moved with the rest.

you'd understand why i love jackie and audrey but am more like marilyn.  

if you really knew me you'd know that i hate how quite i am. you'd understand that when i say "i have nothing to say", i mean it. and i guess its a blessing and a curse.  

you'd know that i love nice people and hate fake people and the fake compliments that seem to go with them.

 

you'd know that i love to smile.

you'd know that talking for to long gives me a headache, maybe because i don't talk often enough. 

you'd know that i love the rain and the way the water wipes clean with the help of the windshield wipers. it makes me happy. 

you'd know that i love it when people call me kenna girl or ken, it makes me feel like they actually know the real me. 

- Roosevelt Lee